Friday, June 20, 2014

The tragedy of graduating

On monday my finals ended. This means I had reached the end of my five year study. I was there, this was it! I almost couldn't believe it. The days afterwards, it started to get through to me: this was a new beginning, the start of a new life. That was until today, friday, I got bad news.

Unknowingly and out of boredom, I opened my university mailbox. Oh two emails, no biggie... Wait, what was that subject called? Frightened I opened the email. My eyes were flashing across the lines, in search of some good news or hint of a general university policy. But no, I had the right to be frightened: I had to show up in front of a whole committee because there was some big disagreement about the rating of my master's thesis. Panic. What now? I am not able to do such thing! This was never mentioned to me! Anger. So the evaluators disagree and I have to make them agree? This is not my fault, is it?! Tremble. AARGH, I don't know what to do with myself! What. The. Hell. So I went for the obvious option: a run.

As I was trying to get my mind of things by running fast and exhausting myself, my thoughts kept getting pulled to the bad news (it may also have had something to do with the fact that I wasn't able to run really fast because of zero physical fitness). But while I was running through the forest, I distract myself by thinking in the present: there must be a lot of bugs in the forest around this time of the year. Especially ticks that can fall from the treetops. What if one came to fall in my hair or underneath my shirt? Maybe I would not notice immediately. Maybe I would never notice. I could get Lyme disease then. I could die from it. (So much for thinking in the here and now to get a grip of things.) Boy, that would be a real tragedy.

So as I spent the last days happily thinking: "This could be the first day of the rest of your life", today this other tragic possibility occurred to me. What if you worked five years so hard to get to the place were you dreamed of for ten years and then immediately after getting there, it all ends? Now there's a real tragedy. Getting one email telling you to convince some people of your capacities is nothing compared to that storyline. In this case, I had the luck that I was able to choose my destiny. Or I could come home from jogging, be a couch potato for the rest of the evening while weeping over romcoms, or I could look up information about this committee, take a shower and check my body thoroughly for any ticks. The last is what I did. I am not going to whine about this any longer. Here and right now, I am going to pick things up where I left them, and finish this chapter of my life with proud. So there you go! Take your life, even if it sometimes makes decisions for you. And when it feels that things are catching up on you before you can catch up on them, just go for a run.

I felt the time was right to insert my life motto. Live by it!

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